It's Wedding Season!

Let the Celebration Begin.

This past Saturday, I had the unusual opportunity to be a guest at a wedding and not the officiant. I enjoyed the opportunity to simply be present and engaged but without the attention to the details of who stands where, who says and does what, and walking everyone through a ceremony that’s meaningful and spiritual but also fun! It was also a time of reflection then for me as I thought about all the weddings I’ve officiated.

I’ve been a pastor for 9 1/2 years and I’ve done two to three dozen weddings. I’ve officiated at my church, at other churches, at event centers, fancy wedding venues, barns, outside at restaurants, golf courses and in backyards. Most of the couples I’ve married have a connection to the church I serve. A few have a more personal connection including one niece and one cousin. Those are the most special.

I got off to a rough start officiating weddings. You’d think after being in seminary for years, someone, somewhere, at sometime, would have mentioned a pastor needs to file their credentials (the papers indicating that one is ordained) at the county courthouse. At any courthouse! I missed this detail and my first wedding ended up being a do-over. Sigh. Live and learn. I do my best to pass on the message to anyone who might need this bit of information.

I enjoy the weddings! I’ve had no bridezillas or drunk groomsmen…yet. So that helps! I enjoy the pre-marital conversations and counseling with the couples. I particularly enjoy the weddings that are the second time around for people. When two people have an understanding of what marriage is, the work it involves, the challenges of blended families, there is a deeper seriousness about the ceremony and a deeper joy. The wedding is less about the party and more about marriage and family.

Covid weddings have actually helped in this regard for couples in their first time around. During the Covid years, people had to have small simple weddings with just their closest family and friends. A realization grew that this was a very meaningful way to exchange vows and that spending tens of thousands of dollars didn’t make it any more special. This remains a preferred option going forward for some people getting married. It’s a good trend.

What I don’t enjoy? The rehearsals! The rehearsal always seems to present a particular challenge in wrangling everyone together at the set time. Everyone shows up with extended families in tow and kids get excited to run around and explore the new space they are in. Good friends and family members are excited to see each other sometimes for the first time in a very long time. People who are otherwise very kind and very considerate can have a total disregard for what I’m there for and for my time. I do my best to offer grace and patience, to remain joyful, but over the years I’ve become much more straightforward with the couple ahead of time with expectations for that part of the process.

Weird things happen at weddings. Everyone is excited, and the details are overwhelming and emotions are running high. One groom expressed his relief that I would not be attending the reception because I’d “be just sitting there while everyone else drank.” One couple was 45 minutes late to their own ceremony. One videographer was stoned. One couple’s dog processed up the aisle with the couple - then hacked up a hairball. One couple got all the way to the rehearsal before they realized they hadn’t even thought about music for the processional or recessional.

Things go wrong at weddings and that’s ok. In the end, it’s about love and marriage and the snafus just make it more memorable. It’s a sign for what is to come!!

Tell me about your wedding! Did everything go off without a hitch? Or were there some “interesting” moments?

One aspect of weddings I have conflicting feelings about is the ability for people who get “ordained” online officiating the weddings. It is very meaningful to have someone who loves you officiate at your wedding. It’s very personal.

But to truly be ordained means that you and those around you along with the church itself believes that God has called you into pastoral work. This is typically a years long process of discernment and education. To fill out a form online and be ordained overnight feels like a mockery and a disrespect for the hard work that so many do.

I think it’s more about the vocabulary than the actual practice. Can’t people simply be licensed rather than to say they’ve been ordained? Perhaps taking the process out of the religious arena and putting something in place in the civil arena would be better? Just some thoughts.

What are your thoughts on this practice?

And in knitting news…

Even though I don’t wear hand-knit socks in the summer, I still knit them. Socks are a very portable project, so I almost always have a pair on the needles. They can go with me in the car or just in front of the TV since they often don’t need the concentration other projects have.

The yarn I’ve knit this latest pair of socks in is new to me. It’s a wool/nylon/yak blend! They are super soft and I’m guessing they will be very warm.